just tell him i said nine months
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
