Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
