If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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