I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
