Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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