let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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