We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
