my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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