ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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