??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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