i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
