please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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