Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
porn star boner night. come get it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Randomize
