i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
