dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
