you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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