ugly people sure do ruin things
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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