I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
