There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
