there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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