i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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