i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
