Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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