I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
