Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
