YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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