mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
