She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
