Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize