I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
