Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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