dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
