I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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