this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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