dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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