I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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