i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Come see our sink grown plant.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
