im having a threesome with these popsicles
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
