Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Randomize
