all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
