I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
