I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
