I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
