For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
