Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
