Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
