i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
