i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
