two words: eviction party
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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