surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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