We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize