Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
