Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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