Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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