I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
only if we run a train.
done.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
