Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
