does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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