You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
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The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
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You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize