so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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