Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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