he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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