I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
