So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
