You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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