therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
