Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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