i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Your cock deserves a montage
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
