can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
