So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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