i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
