dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
