ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Acid is not a monday night drug
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
