It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
