The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
