what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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