is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
