He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
