you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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