so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
