Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
