It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
