so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
