Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
