How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
